Okay, time for some viewer mail. Gosh, where do I start? Okay—I get this question so often, I figure it’s time I answered it once and for all:
You are so cool and smart and fun and awesome, you must have a ton of celebrity friends, right? It seems only natural that other really attractive, successful people would want to flock to you. Birds of a feather, amirite? Yeah, I’m right. I knew it.
SUPERMODEL NAME REDACTED
Well, yeah—ya got me, anonymous fan. Guilty as charged!
Talented people like me tend to have a lot of friends who are also quite rich and intelligent and good looking and rich. Here are just a few of those dear friends and colleagues who’ve endorsed me both personally and professionally over the course of my storied career and our deep, deep friendships:
The Man in Black
The Rev. Sir Dr. Stephen T. Mos Def Colbert D.F.A., Heavyweight Champion of the World